My 21st birthday

It's coming up in a couple of months and I've been thinking quite a bit about it. I've always had the idea that I would never drink. However, in the last couple of months I've changed my mind a bit, in that I would probably only drink specific wine that I thought smelled good. The reason I don't want to drink in the first place is that I have alcoholics on both sides of my family, so I'm susceptible to alcoholism, and I have a dependent attitude. This means I have a tendency to depend on substances to make me feel better about myself like using vitamins, diet pills, Oreos, or medication. I just feel better when I take things, which is bad. Because of that I've also decided that I'd only ever drink a glass or two of wine with dinner maybe once or twice a week. I also have a complex where I feel weird doing adult-ish things because I still feel like I'm 16, so I'd probably have to be married first to drink wine with dinner and not feel super weird.

I think way too much about stuff.

Why I'm back

Just because I don't want to have to explain this 50 times. Long story short it's because I got my Adsense account reinstated so I could get money again for my videos. The reason being I still hate my videos, and I hate that I've been recognized IRL by people I know. I don't think my videos are funny, but I can understand the annoyance, because some of my favorite YouTubers have deleted a ton of videos I loved. I also was really disappointed in my audience. Not all of them, and not even most of them, just the ones that are louder than the others. The 1% of my fans that are annoying seem to be the loudest in the comments, and their responses have gotten me super mad. When I put up my video "Because some of you deserve this", most of the comments were "Don't let the haters get to you!" "No! don't leave!" "You're really selfish". When I was saying that I decided to leave and why. The audience retention for that video was only like a minute on average, and it was a rather long video. Anyway, that's all I'm going to say on that. I'm glad for the quite ones that I don't get to hear from. I had appealed for reinstatement I think about a week ago, and got reinstated a couple of days later, and everything got smoothed out the next day. So, I'm willing to exploit myself for money at this point, because it's not at all what I want to be doing either in my life or on YouTube.